What Do You Really Want? by Aaron Watkins
Why is it you do what you do? Do you want to be tough? Do you want to show your friend that you’re cool? What happens the day you go to jail; are your friends still there?
You can run around, be tough and show everyone you’re cool. In the end though, why does anyone else’s opinion matter? Why can’t you feel tough and cool without someone telling you? I don’t understand why we worry so much about what everyone else thinks of us.
Once you come to prison, not too many of your friends are going to be there. Yeah, they may stay in contact for a few months writing you, letting you call them. Give that six months, maybe a year. If they are still around you, you may have some true friends. You know who will most likely be there through everything? Your family. So ask yourself: does my mom think I’m cool for not going to school? Does my little brother or sister think I am cool ‘cause I sell drugs? They probably look up to you, so then ask yourself: do you want your little brother or sister to mess up too?
The point is, we get so wrapped up in whatever everyone else wants from us that we forget what we want. I would guess that none of you wanted to be a drug dealer at age five. Is it safe to say that none of you want to sleep in a cell with another person, go to the bathroom while they lay in bed or vice versa? What is it you want from life? No one said it will be easy, but take the time to get educated, and you will find life gets better. It may not be perfect or how you dreamed it, but at least you don’t have to dodge the police or even bullets.
You can pretend all you want, but keep it up and you’ll find yourself in a cell regretting every mistake, alone, with no friends to talk to. Or get your education, change your life, and have real friends, positive people around you, and a life worth living, one you deserve.
No matter what anyone tells you, self-confidence is one of the most important things you can ever possess. Why not money or an education? Well, if you don’t have confidence in yourself, how will you try hard enough to make money or finish any kind of education?
Without self-confidence you chase everything, never knowing what lies behind the next challenge. You’ll always compare yourself to a rappers and movie stars, believing that their lives are perfect. Yet, they have problems too. If you can wake up everyday and find that you are a good person, and that you have plenty to be happy about, then maybe you are ok.
Focus on all the negatives and your guaranteed to feel bad, and you’ll never feel worth it. But focus on how you are simply able to wake up in a nicely painted room or in a neighborhood with people. Even just to call your mom, or brothers and sisters. Those, my friend, are positive things. I have not been able to get up and shower privately for 39 months.
So what are you chasing? What will it cause you to give up? Even something like self-worth can be given up. Seriously think about what you lose everyday in the streets. What you gain may not be worth all you can lose. Make a chart if you don’t believe me and use it as a reminder to focus on you life and not the streets.
Aaron Watkins OID#230508
1101 Linden Lane
Fairbault, MN 55021