Untitled by David Austin
My name is David Austin and I was born December 30th, 1986 in Coon Rapids, MN. I grew up an hour northwest of the twin cities in a small town. I had medical problems as a child with having a hernia and pinched small intestine. My parents worked a lot and family members watched me. I was physically, sexually and emotionally abused as a child. I was introduced into drugs and alcohol between the ages of 5 and 7 years old. Being teased as a child at school early on.
I started to hate school. I became highly sexual as a kid after the abuse and looked at people like sexual objects. I found another escape in Marijuana and Alcohol at the age of 11. I so badly wanted to fit in with the adults like I was one of them. I felt real alone as a child and drugs and alcohol changed that for me. It numbed the pain and I got acceptance from others. I actually fit in somewhere and I was noticed.
I looked at all of this as normal growing up. There was nothing wrong with me or the family so I thought. To the outside world everything looked as if it was a normal family. My parents, my sister and me all living at home. My 2 older brothers already moved out. What people didn’t see was what was going on behind closed doors. So around the age of 11-15 years old, I got into multiple drugs like: Marijuana, speed, alcohol, crack, cocaine, meth, crank, valium, oxytocin, mushrooms, acid, huffing gas, and basically anything I could get intoxicated off of. I didn’t care about school, I skipped a lot and didn’t do none of my work. I started hanging out with friends that used drugs and committed crimes. I thought I fit in with them. I committed multiple crimes which included: thefts, burglaries, possession of drugs, minor consumption, driving without a license, vandalism, being truant from school, bringing a knife to school. I was expelled from the school district and locked up at 13 years old in a secure juvenile detention center. That started the path in and out of detention centers.
I was out of control and my parents didn’t know what to do with me. I also commuted two sexual offenses and spent more time locked up. I got my girlfriend pregnant when I was 14 and she was 17. She lost the kid due to all the drugs we were doing. Life was a party for me with no care in the world who I hurt as long as I got what I wanted. I ran a lot throughout my teen years running from police, probation officers, running away from home to other states like Indiana and Florida. It was everyone else’s fault but my own. As long as I blamed everyone else I didn’t have to take responsibility for everything I was doing. I thought I had a raw deal in life, everyone owed me for my crappy childhood that I lived. From the ages of 13 to 26 years old I’ve spent a majority of that locked up. I went to drug treatment centers, juvenile detention centers, sex offender treatment, halfway houses, group homes, jail, prison, and psych-ward. My drug use increased to where I was interveniously using methamphetamines. I stayed awake for weeks at a time and didn’t care whether I lived or died. I hurt a lot of people throughout my life.
I was on the run again when I was 20 years old. I got my girlfriend pregnant and she lost the kid. I even used more drugs around this time. I violated my probation and went to prison. After prison I had a real negative view on life and didn’t think I would make it in society. I lied to all my loved ones time and time again saying I would change then in a few months I’m back locked up. This started to get to me along with everything I’ve done to everyone. The shame resided in me so deep I wanted to end my life. I didn’t see no way out I seen it like this was my life ALWAYS INCARERATED. I violated my parole a couple of times using drugs and running from my problems. In and Out of prison some more I sold drugs and didn’t work no steady job. I thought the fast life was easier, the big dreams of becoming rich overnight like some of the music artists rap about. It was all a fantasy life I was trying to live.
I had all kinds of sexual relationships with different women trying to prove to people I was somebody because it was all about what I wanted. I had to portray to others this image that I was someone who was “hard” and didn’t take no crap. Really deep down inside I didn’t like myself and wasn’t even comfortable in my own skin. I used peopled for what I wanted and hand no empathy for them. This last time I got locked up I was out for 10 months. I hurt this women I cared about cheating on her and using meth. I started selling drugs, drinking and driving around. I got a DWI and tried to kill myself which ended me in the psych ward under 72 hour hold. I was released to drug treatment. I left the treatment and was injecting large amount of meth in my arms. I ended up in the psych ward again a month later. This time I went to prison for parole violations, and running again. I felt a lot of shame and pity for myself and thought taking my life was the best idea. Although I was too scared to do it all at the same time. I came to prison in 2010 and then while in prison decided to do something different. I asked to do treatment while incarcerated, and today I can say I am grateful I took the opportunity to change my life. Enough was enough for me I wanted something different. I didn’t have the slightest clue on how to change, even though I’ve been to treatment many times before. I asked for help and got honest about everything that was the first step to the new life I wanted to start living.
Today I still struggle with lots of regret and remorse for what I’ve done. I’ve learned that I’m not alone, lots of people can relate. I have a lot more confidence in myself and my future I’ve started to care about others and connecting with them in new positive relationships I build. I can deal with struggles in life without using and hurting people. Thank you for the opportunity to share my story.